This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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