You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
