Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
