I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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