I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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