since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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