You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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