didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
