Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
