Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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