Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
