i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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