I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
