No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize