oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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