I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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