I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I want to stick my p in your. b.
she told me i tasted like america
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
