Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
