I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
