my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
