awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
