I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
