carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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