Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
