i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
