Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
