But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
