Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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