Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize