can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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