u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
