So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
