I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
