now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
