I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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