Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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