i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
