I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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