We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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