Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
