My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
