i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
