I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
