Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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