I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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