Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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