she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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