I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
