you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
