How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
