If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
