he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize