There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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