I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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