yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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