I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
