69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
