what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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