your parents love me but you hate me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
