We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
