where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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