she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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