roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
