Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
