I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
