I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
