Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
