It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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