This is not my ceiling
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
