I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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