I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize