put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
