I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
