I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
