Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
