I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
