i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
